Fear and Adventure

During the course of the last 20 years many have asked me why I had to climb rocks or go to the mountains.  Why not just play Cricket or Badminton like normal people.  Aren't you afraid that you might break your bones or get lost or something. 

Why do we climb mountains? To get attention? Risking ones life…is it worth it ? I think it comes from within and there is no logical explanation as to why. Many of my friends have died in the mountains in the past. That did not stop the others in the group from going back. J.R.R Tolkein captures it in his LOTR when Bilbo Baggins, the Hobbit, tells Gandalf that he is tired of the idyllic life in the village and he longs for adventure.  He says, “Mountains are calling me Gandalf”. The call of the mountains is heard by many and is irresistible. Considering the number of Bengalis out in the mountains, this call would appear to be mainly in Bengali. 

However it is not a death wish or a desire for a dose of adrenalin rush that makes one go back to the mountains. It is far deeper than that. It is a spiritual connect. If it is only for a cheap thrills session one can do a lot of stuff. A bungee jump can provide far more of a rush than a slow plod over a glacier for days. It is all about challenging oneself. It is not about conquering the mountain at all....it is about conquering oneself. It is about how well you know yourself, your body and your mind.

Mountains are dangerous, let us have no illusions about that. It is an unstable world where anything can happen anytime. A simple slip and a 10 foot fall can kill a man. We have turbulent rivers, glacier moraines, rock falls, land slides, avalanches, hidden crevasses, ice formations that can topple and fall. Other than these we also have the ill effects of altitude over 12000 feet. Lack of oxygen, possibility of Pulmonary Oedema or Cerebral Oedema, hypothermia etc...not to mention the carelessness induced by fatigue. Another thing which is typical of the Himalayas is the fact that there is no search and rescue. Army does loan its choppers only if you deposit Rs. 50K per hour required, in advance. We do our own rescue and evacuation efforts which are, most often, inadequate to say the least.

You need to do your homework well and plan for each one of the above dangers, overcome your fears and make yourself perform extremely crucial and physically daunting tasks at high altitudes. It is all about mental strength. Ability to deal with unforeseen circumstances and take split second decisions.

Finally, mountaineers are not rash people who don't care about their lives or the lives of others. They are in fact people who love life and who celebrate life by pushing themselves to the extremes play it really safe and get back alive. Some don’t make it. A small judgement error can result in death.

Deconstructing Fear

We see pictures of precarious looking trails. One look at the path is enough for many of us to take a deep breath and turn the page. There are a few who flirt with danger as you can see from the pics. There are a few people in the group that have this little bug which makes them get away from the mundane and take the plunge into the unknown or at least attempt to emulate the great intrepid adventurers and feel alive.

What makes one flirt with danger ? Why do I climb a rock instead of going around it like any other normal person ? Well, I can easily say a la George Mallory of the Mt. Everest fame that “because it is there…” People often ask, “Are you not afraid?”…To tell you the truth I am terribly afraid and of a lot of things. I am afraid to look over the railing of a tall building. My stomach turns when I am walking at great heights and I tremble like the proverbial leaf when I am high up on a rock face with a puzzle in front of me to be solved before I run out of arm and shoulder strength. When climbing on the granite boulders near Bangalore I am afraid that I might put my fingers into a fissure for grip and upset a resident serpent. If it gets cloudy when I am still in the middle of a climb I am afraid that it would rain and the ‘couloir’ I am climbing in would turn into an impromptu waterfall. I have experienced the force of gravity falling off rock faces at decent heights and plunge downward until the rope tied to my harness does its job and prevents me from making contact with the terra firma. I can assure you that I am scared to death and the relief that I am still alive with all my limbs intact is immense.

Fear may get the better of you once in a while and prevent you from even attempting a climb or a Paragliding takeoff. It is always good  to moderate your performance with frequent dosages of cold feet. Practice of a certain activity over a period of time also brings in the element of experience which takes away the fear to some extent as the certain facets turn into routine. This can, sometimes, make you push the envelope and do more daring things.

What do I get ? I am not sure. There are no spectators out there who see and understood your strategy and follow you to the top and stand around and applaud when you take that step. You do it for yourself. It is far more rewarding a feeling that you savour alone or in a small group. It cannot be measured or quantified or compared.

Only you know it when you surpass your own expectations with some super human effort which you never thought you could accomplish.  It need not be the hardest trail or the highest pass. We can all do things which are well within our capabilities and experience. The rewards are the same, trust me.

Who is interested in joining me for climbing Kilimanjaro next year ?

Rock Climbing...

Having taken to rock climbing at the age of 17, at a time when it was yet to achieve the kind 'acceptability' that it sees now, at a time when it was considered akin to smoking pot and swigging cheap beer (which it was...I admit)...the domain of a few bearded weirdoes...I have continued climbing (with reducing frequency) but the passion has not abated one bit. I still enjoy the feel of granite or quartzite or shale or whatever rock I happen to be climbing on...even if there is nothing gneiss about the rock I am on or if the mountain was full of schist.

From the time I discovered this vertical world, where one could surprise a vulture in its nest (not pleasant for either party) or suddenly come face to face with a huge beehive (pleasant for the bees perhaps...) or inadvertantly climb into a cave that is home to bats...the idea that I belonged to a cult which practices these strange rituals, uses bizarre looking implements (read climbing gear...) and speaks a secret lingo understood only by the initiated made me feel great for the first time in my life. It gave me my identity and my raison d'etre. I was ecstatic the day I was accepted by my climbing peers as one of their own and experienced a phenomenal high...perhaps it was also the generous swigs of 'Thunderbolt' or the grass laced cigarettes rolled carefully by our group's 'joint' secretary...one will never know for sure...

Then came sport climbing. That took the romance out of climbing by removing the uncertainties and by advocating an extremely cautious approach which turned it into a kind of vertical gymnastics. That also brought in Competition which killed the camaraderie that was part and parcel of the activity. The competitions are held on Artificially designed simulated rockfaces with adjustable holds and gradient. Now the groups of boys and girls drive to the "wall" in a Climbing gym (abroad) or at the stadium (back home), sweat it out, work on their weaknesses under the supervision of coaches with all their attention focussed on the next climbing competition.

The purists were outraged at the idea of a competition in their sacred domain. No denying that competition of an implicit variety always existed between climbers. This was a very healthy variety where one shared information and readily gave advice where required to the competitor with absolutely no reservations and celebrated each other's successes. Competitions brought the activity to the masses and slowly started getting the social acceptability that it lacked earlier but diluted the exclusivity of the once closed cult.

Another fallout is that Climbing as we knew it is no more and when we reach the end of the line, there is no one to hand over the baton to. I can't help but feel that my daughter and her generation, despite having access to all the climbing gear in the world, will never really know the true essence of climbing, the togetherness, the absolute trust that you establish with your climbing partner etc...